Life as we know it
by pinksnow
Summary: chp 4, chp 5 Life as we know it..the reasons and the conclusion.... Characters, Fuji, Eiji, shounen ai, no spoilers. Complete.
1. prolouge

A big, big thank you to all my previous reviewers, i know i don't always reply, but each review means a lot!

This fic is set in the college years, so their ages are about 18-19.

Disclaimer: Pot not mine, not at all!

On with the story.

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You are no saint. Not anymore at least.

For a moment you wonder when or why it got to be like this – the memories are vague, blurry. And it's too bothersome to recollect everything again, too troublesome to ponder on it properly.

Especially when there is a very pretty, only partially dressed boy right next to you, in your bed, blushing very adorably indeed – willing to do anything to make you happy, or so he says.

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When he confessed he told you, you were his first crush.

You yourself have lost track of the people who you have touched and who touched you back.

All you remember is that last month it was a girl, and the month before that it was some other guy – anything beyond that is best left buried anyway.

For some reason, they all flock to you. Like moths to flames ( flies to garbage would be a more fitting analogy, you think almost sarcastically).

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You don't intend to use them, you never accepted their feelings with that sort of intentions at all.

You just do it because you have nothing to lose, and you like to give them a chance; not all of them of course, good Lord no – you are not a mercenary, and neither is it your place to be one, just some of them who move your heart a little, with their sincerity.

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It starts off okay, it always does; you are nice to them, they are nice to you.

And time progresses, you are still nice to them; for them it seems to be getting more difficult with each passing day.

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And after more or less the short span of a month ( seriously, you are not joking here – there are times when you have even checked the calendar), they decide they want to have nothing to do with you whatsoever.

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Yes, one third of them break down, the rest prefer to give the cold shoulder, saying nothing more than necessary; a rare kind soul tells you that he/she had fun during your short span of togetherness.

It's better that way, because that way, you can at least smile.

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To your sadistic side this has become somewhat of a sick game.

No you won't deny it – even though it is not a dominant part of your personality, you do have a sadistic side ( who doesn't? You wonder ).

Your companion makes a move and captures your lips, you kiss him back.

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_ / Lets see how long **he** can last. / _

A small voice speaks in a dark corner of your mind, before you shut it out.

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**A/N: **hope you liked it! my first multipart fic in days, i have focused on making it more plot oriented, i hope the characterizations are okay.

if you liked it, do press the little review button!

Thank you for reading. 


	2. Chapter 1

An old friend appears. Chapter 1.

On with the story

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" Eiji? You…. here? " You almost blink in surprise.

He is the new transfer student in your class. When was the last time you saw this guy anyway?

Things were in the exact reverse situation about six years ago; you were the transfer student in his class.  
Back then he had welcomed you warmly.

" Fujiko…." He murmurs, seemingly uncertain about using that infamous nickname of his own invention.

But right now he looks like the happiest person in the world.

You smile back. You are truly happy to see him too.

And he throws his arms around you.

( You can almost _feel_ the daggers some people are glaring at your redheaded friend. )

He looks almost the same, and even though he has matured over the years, he is more or less, still the same after all.

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You two have a lot of catching up to do; he seems to thinks so anyway.

So even though you are not talking much, he is rambling on and on about something; what it is - you are really not sure about anymore. It was the same even in old days, you remember fondly. Yes half of the things did fly over your head even back then.

But the continuous drone of his voice is the best thing you have heard in days, and you find it rather nice to hear.

Not that you would have minded anyway.

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" Nya Fujiko!" He pouts.

Apparently he had just said something that required a decent response from you ( which you obviously did not give, since you were not listening properly in the first place ).

" Mou Fuji, you are not listening to me again. " He frowns, draining the last of his chocolate milkshake. " I asked you if you were seeing anyone nya."

"……." You are silent just for a fraction of a second, before you shake your head quickly. " Nobody as of now, Eiji."

" What?! " His jaw drops in surprise. " Nya I thought Fujiko would be going steady by now! " he almost pouts again.

And he is still so very innocent – you realize with a start.

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" What about you? No girlfriend? " You ask softly.

" Nya I liked someone. But she said she wanted a serious boyfriend. " He turns a little pink, " And not some overgrown child. So mean nya. And I even took her out a few times. I'm definitely not calling her again! "

" Aa. " You agree. What he is, is untainted. Unmarred.

" Its okay, its okay. " He waves it off. And your hand unconsciously cups his face – that innocence, intoxicating.

" Nya, Fujiko? " he murmurs, confused.

" There was ice-cream on your cheek. " You wipe off at an imaginary spot.

" Gone now. " You withdraw your hand.

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At least he looked convinced.

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**A/N: **hope you like how its progressing and hope you'll keep up with further chapters!

reviews loved, if you like it, don't forget to review!

Thank you for reading.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

**Note:** refers to voice in Fuji's head.

'...' are Fuji's thoughts. 

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Two months pass without you noticing – his presence is a very welcome distraction for you.

You haven't gotten into any unnecessary relationships in these past two months.

The number of people approaching you has also gone down considerably – after all you are rather unavailable _alone_ these days; he tends to accompany you nearly everywhere, everywhere possible at least.

Not that you are complaining – it seems both of you are desperate to hold on to this delicate thread linking you with the past.

Whatever his reasons, whatever your own reasons, you don't care.

He is happy, and you've also been smiling more easily these days.

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Still, you cannot stop a hollow, unsettling feeling from gathering in the pit of your stomach sometimes – that voice in your head won't allow you to relax too much.

_/ What **if**…. /_ It starts.

And you always, always shut it out.

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" Fujiko, I like you. " He tells you, eyes hopeful.

Your worst fears have just come to realization.

_' Please don't. _' Your heart pleads. No, maybe,_ begs_ would be more appropriate, _' Don't do this. ' _

The other voice in your head almost laughs.

_/ I **told** you so. / _It is saying.

But, for some reason, even that voice sounds different today – tinged with something like grim sadness, instead of sadism, as if out of consideration for your redheaded friend.

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" Eiji…. I …" That's right, you'll reject him. It shouldn't be too hard.

You have turned down countless already, it shouldn't be hard at all.

You are not a charity – and are in no way obliged to accept everyone who comes your way.

Even if it happens to be him.

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" So I'm no good after all. " It's not a question, it is a statement.

He shakes his head, and boyishly brings a hand to the nape of his neck.

He must have heard about your previous escapades, though he had the decency to not actually ask you about it directly, in person. ( He respects your need for privacy, in turn you do the same for him – it is also the main reason he has not asked you to share your rental apartment, instead preferring to room in the college dorms. He knows your preferences well, and also that sharing or not sharing a living quarters will have no bearing on your friendship with him. )

He did always have an uncanny knack for obtaining information from people; that is probably how he gathered the courage to take this bold step, both of you being boys and all.

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And you can't help but notice – he is so very different from the rest who have approached you so far.

The truth shining in deep pools of indigo-blue eyes, that sheepish smile on his face, saying something along the lines of ' Its okay, I understand.'

You realize that he might be the first one who is actually considering your feelings in this whole ordeal.

And also that he is beautiful.

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_/ All the more reason to **reject** him. Isn't this friendship important to you/ _

That small voice is practically shouting in your head.

' _It is. '_ You bite on your lip. _' It is, but….' _

" No, Eiji. You are more than enough. "

You find yourself wrapping your arms around a surprised Eiji, pulling him in a warm embrace.

" Nya " He is torn between delight, and concern for you " Are you sure this is really okay? Fujiko, you don't have to…."

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The rest of the words are swallowed by your hungry mouth, his lips are soft, pliable, and they part for you so easily, giving you access to more – and you taste him, your hands roam over his body, fingers touching bare skin wherever possible, some of them even slipping under the hem of his shirt, and one hand entangles with soft, soft strands of red, his taste is even more intoxicating than you had imagined.

And he moans, and he shivers, and he shudders some more in your arms, his arms limply hanging to the side, as you proceed to ravish him where he stands.

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**A/N: **Hope you like it ! and hopefully you want to read the next part too, reviews, much appreciated, so if you liked it, do review.

Thank you for reading. 


	4. Chapter 3

A big, big thank you to all of you who reviewed the previous chappie and also to those who are reading and keeping up with this story, and a big, big apology for the inconsistent updating cries

chap 3.

**Note : **voice in Fuji's head.

'...' thoughts

On with the story.

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This is the first time you are accepting someone, not because there is nothing to lose, or even out of generosity, but out of your own selfishness.

You really want to see how this goes.

You are also aware that you have put a lot, no, practically everything at stake - on this huge gamble.

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The first month actually passes quite breezily, with no problems whatsoever.

Even people, who have found out through one way or the other, are being supportive of your relationship - it would not be so far fetched to say that they are rooting for him.

Rooting for you two.

The second month also starts off great, with him smiling a lot, and you being able to smile back.

And just when you begin to think you are on a lucky streak, you get the first feeling of _deja vu. _

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Yes, things start following an only too familiar pattern around the middle of the second month.

_/ So he is **no different **after all. / _That small voice at the back of your head mocks you.

_/ **Told** you, you'll regret it. /_ It mocks you some more, making you feel sick, nauseous.

And all you can do is smile sadly.

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_/ Here it comes. / _That small voice in your head nudges you.

" Fuji, I'm breaking up with you. " he announces, firmly, and with a no-nonsense attitude.

It is the end of the second month.

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_/ Nothing new about **that**. /_ Your companion in your head comments dryly.

You just shake your head – you should have never allowed this foolishness to take place in the first place.

Things were so much better the way they were before.

And now you have lost everything; just because of one, _stupid_ gamble.

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" Eiji, I… " You start to say something after a short silence, your tone carries resignation.

" Don't you even want to know why? " His voice sharply ( and effectively ) cuts you off, it is full of suppressed annoyance.

_ ' Why? ' _You have never asked_ anyone_ before, and they have never bothered to tell you either. You have always left it like that.

" Because you are boring. " He provides the answer to the question put forth by himself, emphasizing on each word.

" Fujiko, I would rather date Oishi than you anytime nya. " He rubs some more salt in your wounds.

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Just like the relationship, this breakup is also going to be unique, different; you realize.

And your hand is starting to tremble now. _' Stop it. ' _

" Like this you'll probably become an oji(1) alone nya. " He keeps saying cruel things.

Your hand strikes without your minds consent, and connects with his face; he is pushed back.

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" Eiji…. I'm… " Your hand is still shaking – you didn't intend to do that, you _didn't_.

And you mean to apologize now, but the words are not coming out properly.

He shakes his head, and when he looks up, you are surprised to see, his expression is not of hurt, anger, disgust, or hatred.

It is something akin to that of a victor, it is endearing really.

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And you vaguely realize he was pushing your buttons – before a few tears fall down your face.

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**A/N: **

1. oji - old man.

Reviews keep me going! if you liked it, do review.

Thank you for reading.


	5. Chapter 4

A big thank you to all the readers and reviewers of the past chapters, all i'll say is i'm keeping my fingers crossed, just read!

Chapter 4

**Note-/**_**text**/ _refers to voice in Fuji's head.

_ 'text'_ are Fuji's thoughts.

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You had never cried during a single break up; and so you are unable to comprehend the reason why - why now?

It seems he has a few answers.

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Not that you are able to discuss much then and there.

As of now, he just holds you, places butterfly kisses all over your face, cries a little himself, before walking you home.

This time he doesn't stay over, but he promises you that he is still your friend.

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" Fujiko keeps too many things inside. " He explains the next day, over breakfast in the cafeteria; you have come especially early to see him.

" I don't know if you'll understand this…" He pushes around some more food on his plate, it doesn't look like he has much of an appetite ( and you momentarily wonder if he has always been eating so unhealthily on mornings not spent with you, which as of recent, were more frequent ), " But I want to make Fujiko happy. And when I'm unable to do that, it hurts. Right here. " he taps his chest lightly.

" Yesterday you hit me because you felt like it, right? And you cried because you wanted to, didn't you? " He is already done with his meal, even though half of it is still on the plate.

" Sometimes its better to just do or say as you want to, don't you think? " He winks at you, smiling a small smile. " Just allow yourself to feel, nya? "

"……" You shake your head, a soft smile plays on your lips.

"….! " His expression brightens like the rising sun, he knows the difference between your usual smile, and your real one.

" Eiji? "

" Hoi? "

" What I want to do right now is make sure you eat properly. " You open your eyes, they are sparkling with mischief, " So finish your breakfast, ne? " you smile again, brightly.

" H-Hoi. " He cowers in fear.

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And you decide to take his advice.

He is the first one to give you such advice, not to mention he also made you realize just how much you needed it.

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You were sixteen when it happened, first year of high school.

And you clearly remember, the sight of a girl kissing a stiff, bespectacled boy with dark hair and dark eyes, and especially the sight of the boy kissing her back.

And the sound of a heart breaking.

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The heart that broke that day was yours.

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And no one had tried to mend it after that, not even you yourself.

Until now, that is.

And you vow to do your best for him, for the sake of the one who wished for your happiness so sincerely.

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Thus you find yourself knocking on the doors of another old friend, acquaintance since a long time ago. ( You got his new address from his parents yesterday, he is also living elsewhere for studies. At least they were happy to hear from you.)

He blinks when he sees you, he was definitely not expecting _you_ at his doorstep.

Pleasantries are exchanged, and he ushers you inside.

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" Tezuka, I've always loved you. "

After a moment of hesitation, you got straight to the point, refusing the offer for tea and all; if you don't do this at this very moment ( it is taking everything you can muster, just to stand there and say what needs to be said ), you know it'll remain unfinished business yet again.

And you do not want that, not after what it did to you and your life, not after realizing this is the only way to make things right. ( Or at least a little closer to right. )

"….." He listens in stunned silence; he doesn't show he is stunned, but you know he is, his shoulders just became a little stiffer than before.

And this is more awkward than you were hoping for, but you do intend to get it done with once and for all.

" Maa… you must be thinking I'm insane. " You laugh a little, lightly, because it is almost funny, " And I don't expect you to take me seriously ne. Demo, Tezuka, I just.. "

The rest of your words are cut off as he claims your lips as his own.

And your eyes widen, you feel like your heart has stopped beating altogether.

You most certainly did not see _this_ coming.

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**A/N: **just read the last chapter! you know you want to!


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Note-/**_**text**/ _refers to voice in Fuji's head.

_ 'text'_ are Fuji's thoughts.

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How long had you waited for this…. for this moment to arrive? Months, years, eternity?

He is all over you, you are still trying to comprehend what is happening – your body is reacting faster than your mind.

His lips are so very tender, as they brush over yours, again and again, till your lips part in answer, and he is holding you so gently too – like you are a doll that can break.

You never even imagined he was capable of such tenderness. It seems he is being serious here, and you just can resist, you don't want to.

" Why did you not tell me sooner? " Is the only thing this person asks you when you are forced to draw back, only due to a desperate need for oxygen.

And he kisses you some more, and he hugs your small frame, as if you are going to vanish into thin air.

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" Eiji? "

" Nya? "

" It worked out….. with me and Tezuka. " You want him to be the first one to know, he has come to become very important to you. Actually – you don't think you can thank him enough, but you know he won't accept it anyway.

" He wants to be with me. I accepted. " You add shyly, blushing a little. ( You didn't even think you were capable of such a thing anymore. )

" That's so great nya! " He smiles brightly, and engulfs you in a bear hug, " I'm so happy. " he murmurs in your ear, " So happy for you. " he pats your back and you ruffle his hair.

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You didn't see him much after that. For one reason or the other, you just couldn't see him as often as you would have liked.

You are starting to think he is avoiding you, and you promise yourself you'll have a proper talk with him the next time you see him.

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But next time never comes.

One week later, you are surprised, no shocked to hear.

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Kikumaru Eiji has withdrawn his admission, transferring to another place, for reasons uncited.

He left no forwarding address whatsoever.

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And you finger the note he left in your locker -

_I guess I really fell in love with you…. Sorry for running away, I hope you forgive me. I tried nya, but I couldn't. So don't be mad at me, okay? _

_Don't worry about me though, I'll definitely try my best, wherever I'm. _

_ Fujiko, just be happy nya. _

_ - Love, Eiji _

There is even a small smiley face scribbled at the bottom.

And you don't know whether to laugh, or cry.

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Because you realize the other has completely disappeared from your life, this time for good.

You are unable to reach him on his cell, and they changed their old residence years ago ( that's why you lost contact after middle school in the first place), you have no way of calling him up, not even a slight chance of hearing that voice.

And you miserably realize you didn't even take any recent pictures of him.

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Some of them say they saw him crying his eyes out in the boy's locker room a day before he left. Of course, it is most probably just a rumor; you find yourself praying for the same with all your heart.

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_' Eiji, I really enjoyed our time together. ' _

_ ' I think I fell in love with you too.' _

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And when you wake up, your eyes sometimes search for the bright smile of a bouncy redhead, instead of the stiff nod from a dark haired, dark eyed boy ( who has one arm wrapped around you, rather possessively ).

Something keeps feeling amiss – the ghost of tinkling laughter, childish whining, soft red hair, tickling your neck and chin haunts you now and then, but you shake it off.

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_/ Lets see how long **he** can last. / _

That sick voice makes its appearance, after a brief absence.

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And in the end, that small voice in the back of your head is the only winner.

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Owari.

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** A/N: **i hope you won't kill me :D the ending wrote itself ( cries ).

reviews will be much appreciated if you liked it even a little, i'll be happy if you tell me!

and a big, big thank you to all of you who have kept up with this fic, thank you for reading!


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